Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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