Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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