This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
