just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
