well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
