Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
