Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
