I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
