Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
