It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
