please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
