We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
