I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
