around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
