One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
