Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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