We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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