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someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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