I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.