I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.