i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!