Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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