if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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