Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
