im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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