ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
