Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
