I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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