turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
