I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
