My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
