I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
