if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
