As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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