I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
