Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
where am i from again
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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