dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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