Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
