Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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