Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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