i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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