Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fill condoms, not promises.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
