Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
