Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
