sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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