Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
