new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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