All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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