so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
