Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
