You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
