We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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