I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
