sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
