Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
MIDGETS
????
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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