Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
