he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
