I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
