from now on my penis is your penis
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
