Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
