Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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