Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
