last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
