i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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