we made out on top of his cat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
